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Harley Benton Paddy Lab Aged Guitar Series – Revolutionary Relics

Harley Benton Paddy Lab Aged Guitar Series - Revolutionary Relics
Harley Benton, purveyors of suspiciously affordable instruments, have done it again. Their new Paddy Lab Aged Guitar Series isn't just about worn finishes – it's about capturing the true soul of a hard-gigging pub guitar.

Get That “Whiskey-soaked Blues Club” Tone Without Decades of Wear.

In a shocking move that has the vintage guitar world reeling, Harley Benton has announced their latest innovation: the Paddy Lab Aged Guitar Series. These guitars aren’t just expertly relic’d; they’re scientifically infused with the essence of decades spent in dimly lit, smoke-filled pubs.

The Paddy Lab Process: Where Science Meets Sweat

Harley Benton’s team of mad scientists, dubbed “The Paddy Lab,” have developed a proprietary ageing process that infuses their guitars with the following:

  • Authentic Guinness Stains: The deep, dark hues of Ireland’s finest stout, strategically applied for that “played-it-til-closing-time” look.
  • Tobacco-Infused Finish: A unique blend of cigarette ash and stale beer creates a finish that smells like a blues jam session gone long.
  • Simulated Sweat Corrosion: Cutting-edge technology simulates decades of slightly too enthusiastic playing, resulting in perfectly rusted hardware.
  • Mystery Gunk Build-Up: The Paddy Lab refuses to disclose the exact ingredients but promises a delightfully questionable patina on those hard-to-reach areas. This goop replicates years of accumulated finger grime, chip crumbs, and questionable substances. Each guitar’s fretboard tells a unique, slightly horrifying story.
  • Whiskey Infusion Therapy: Guitars are submerged in vats of budget Irish whiskey, ensuring a deep, boozy aroma with a hint of regret.
  • “The Angry Heckler” Simulator: Guitars are verbally abused with insults about guitar solos and requests for “Wonderwall” for that extra edge of stage-worn bitterness.
  • Self-Tuning Instability: Advanced algorithms mimic the effects of too many pints, causing subtle tuning drifts mid-song for that authentic “just winging it” vibe.
Harley Benton Paddy Lab Aged Guitar Series - Revolutionary Relics
Mystery Gunk Build-Up

The Models: A Tribute to Pub Legends

  • The “Sticky Floor Special”: Features a mysterious, semi-solidified coating on the back of the neck, guaranteed to slow down even the fastest shredders.
  • The “Broken Tuner” Signature: One tuner is permanently misaligned, a tribute to that guy who always needs to borrow yours.
  • The “Dented Legend”: Sports strategically placed dents and dings, each with a fabricated story of a legendary pub brawl.
Harley Benton Unveils Revolutionary Paddy Lab Aged Guitar Series
Dented Legend

Pre-Orders Now Open (Nose Plugs Not Included)

Harley Benton is taking pre-orders for this limited-edition series. Each guitar comes with a certificate of authenticity detailing its simulated pub lifespan and a complimentary air freshener (strongly recommended).

Harley Benton Paddy Lab Aged Guitar Series - Revolutionary Relics
Broken Tuner Signature

Secret Lab

Below are examples of current Harley Benton models that can have the Paddy Lab treatment upon request. These will then be sent to the new secret lab in Ireland for the special craic ageing process. Each guitar is aged by hand using secret techniques only known to the small team of Irish relic’ing experts.

Extra Perks (Because Why Not?)

  • Each guitar ships with a half-eaten packet of crisps lodged under the pickguard.
  • Soundchecks are replaced by awkward silences and intense tuner-fiddling.
  • Increased likelihood of impromptu singalongs with varying degrees of tunefulness.

Disclaimer: Harley Benton is not liable for any sudden cravings for a pint, the urge to play 12-bar blues exclusively, or the development of an inexplicable Irish accent.

More Information

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